and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
