Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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