Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
