Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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