i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
