Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
