Just fell off a train. Bad.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
