I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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