i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
