So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
