I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
