The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
