When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
