1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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