I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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