take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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