She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
