absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
