Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
