I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
