Buhtt sex?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize