Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
