i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
