Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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