hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
