I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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