your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
