Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
