Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
