Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize