everyone is single if you try hard enough
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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