i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
