And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
