I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
