I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
