I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I just sharted jello shots
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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