Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
