then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize