Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
