I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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