I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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