If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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