her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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