So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
