I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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