And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
