if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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