its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
