Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
