Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
