How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
