Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I will die if light touches me.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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