We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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