no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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