One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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