I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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