Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
