I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
