i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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