Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
false alarm. still invincible.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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