I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
