Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
