can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
