First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
