Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
