i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Mom said you looked used
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
