Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
