I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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