when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize