I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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