I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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