So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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