so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
